I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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