dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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