i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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