She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
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The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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