I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
