did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
