no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
