I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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