so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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