it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
