Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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