dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
