my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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