i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
