Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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