You're my little dorito
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
