i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I want you more than these girls want KFC
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
