I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And then my night got REAL pukey
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
