guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My bed smells like the plague
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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