I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
