dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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