Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
