dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
