You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
