we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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