i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
