how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
