did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
