Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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