he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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