can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
