i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
