Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
