you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You're like the curious george of whores
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
