oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
