I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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