i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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