i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
