I bet he comes in French.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
