my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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