we have officially lost it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
