Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
