He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
