Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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