They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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