I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
