So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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