escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Come share oat with me in your robe
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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