I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
