So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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