If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
