I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
