she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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