The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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