Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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