Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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