What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
