My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize