Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
