Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
