seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
