Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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