Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
