Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
