i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
