well I can't set my house on fire every night
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
