all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
